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Wow… I lack words that don’t involve swearing for this whole Soulja boy incident bullshit. First off that piece of shit wanna be rapper needs to have his ass beat by some real goddamn rappers. 98% of the time I freaking hate rap and hip hop, just not my thing. Some of the more emotive stuff I can get in to but gangsta rap? fuck is that shit any way. Doesn’t matter though, the real talk here is the bullshit about this walking feces that things it’s human trying to come out and talk trash like he’s hard. Come get some bitch, come get some. Biggest crew in America right here, 3 million + strong and we all have each other’s back when it comes to shit like this. We might give each other crap, interunit, interservice, crap doesn’t matter when it comes down to it, we’re all brothers first and foremost. Come at us bitch.

The REAL shit that pisses me off about this whole situation isn’t this bitch trying to stir up some controversy and tell us to fuck off. It’s the pieces of grabastic shit trying to DEFEND this little bitch. Then turning around and hating on us because I guess it’s cool or something.

Calling us baby killers and all sorts of crazy bullshit that is obviously recycled from the fucking 1970s goddamn flower child nonsense. Blaming US for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan like we have something to do with it, like we can effect where we go, when we go and why we go. Don’t hate the troops for that fucking nonsense, we don’t cut ourselves orders to go off to war, we don’t want to leave our families to go in to a war zone when we might not come back. We stand up and say we will. When the United States says “Who will go for us?” we are the ones who stand up and respond “Send me, I’ll go”. Instead of cowering behind a computer screen, and talking trash with the group think, blending in with the bullshit crowd when you damn well know not a single one of you bitches could look a Marine, a soldier, a sailor or airman in the face and say ANY of that crap on your own, or when your ass isn’t in front of a computer screen, we believe in something, we take a stand for something.

In the end it’s the officals you elect, the people you put in to office that send us, republicans and democrats, Bush and Obama. It’s not us, not our generals, not our officers, not our SNCOs or NCOs and it’s not us junior enlisted either. We are a miltary under civilian control, it is you who sends us. YOU, not us, not our choice, we’re just willing to go when the call comes.

So go ahead, talk your trash. I challenge you, an open invitation to come to me, or ANY man or woman who’s on active duty right now or a veteran and say the same thing to their face, I challenge you to have the balls to talk your trash in person. Then I want you to go home, having proved you’re at least man enough to do that and remember that in the end you just insulted and talked trash to a man or woman who would, with out even knowing your name, die for you. That you’re spitting on the graves of over four thousand men and women who have died for you this past decade. So when you’re done talking your trash? Say thank you and go the fuck on your way.

I ain’t linking the video because fuck getting that little bitch get more views, but here’s a dis track from a military rap group currently in Afghan and a action figure calling Soulja Boy’s bitch ass out.

To inquire about talking trash to the blog owners face, please respond below or send a PM to this account and you’ll be contacted. If you’d really like to prove your hard and try to start a fight, the blog owner would be happy to beat the shit out of you provided you sign a liability waiver, and are ok being filmed having your ass kicked like a soccer ball at the world cup. Semper Fi and go fuck yourselves.


This is the a research paper written for one of my college courses, due to it’s academic nature it is presented with full citations and a bibliography, exactly as it was turned in, because this is the internet and the denizens therein are a distract-able lot I did add a bunch of pictures to keep everyone’s attention in between the long boring bits with the words 😉 this is the first of two academic papers I’ll be publishing on this site, because A. ready made material and B. I’m particularly proud of both documents.


The act of dehumanization is defined by Miriam Webster as “to deprive of human qualities, personality, or spirit”. More fluidly in its applied state, dehumanization is the act of a country reducing their enemy to a status of less than human both in the eyes of their soldiers and their citizenry. (1) It has been a facet of warfare since we first evolved social groups. (2)“They are foul pagans!” “Look at the tone of their skin!” “They do X, Y and Z like filthy barbarians!” Those three sentences in one form or another have been at the heart of dehumanization from the very start finding the little lines that separate, making the foe seem brutal and alien, classifying them as “the other”.
As an academic I first became aware of the process of dehumanization as I studied and learned about the Second World War. I was bitten by the bug early and the study of that particular era of history remains my abiding passion. Even as a boy and young man I was taken aback by the sheer amount of negative backlash I received when I expressed interest in the German side of the war. To my mind the German Soldiers were merely men, soldiers like I wanted to be, fighting for their country. As I read further in to their stories, books like “Soldat” by Siegfried Knappe and other biographies and collections of information, I found the vast majority of the German Wermacht to be utterly honorable warriors by even modern civilized standards.

That the Third Reich was inherently an evil entity is not in discussion, especially embodied by the SS, the main instrument of many of the Nazi party. Having said this where does the hatred and spite for the common German Soldat (Soldier, also the equivalent rank of “Private”) come from? In the words of Oberst (Colonel) Hans Ulrich Rudel “Can’t you see? I never fought for a political party, only for Germany”.

"Slap a Jap"

The Second World War is filled with powerful examples of dehumanization on all sides of the conflicts with the Soviet propaganda machine depicting Germans as “ravening beasts” (4). Other examples hit far closer to home with US propaganda depicting the famously buck tooth and near sighted “japs”. Even before the war a lot of attention was given to the Japanese treatment of the Chinese with actions that were declared to be beyond the pale of civilized warfare. (5)

That is the start of dehumanization, of making an enemy something “else”. They are cast as purely evil, lower in the eyes of your civilization and in the harshest light possible. The psychology behind it all is that it will allow soldiers to kill easier, and it will lend more support from the civilian population. Indeed in many interviews and quotes from the Second World War and the wars following it such as Vietnam, the distance created by dehumanization is what allowed many troops to continue fighting the enemy, to safely process what they were inflicting and what was being inflicted upon them.

One point of note for dehumanization from the Soldier’s perspective during both World Wars is that for the most part veterans of both sides will say that they respected their enemy after the fact and that they fought with honor. While this is much more common during World War Two in the European theater of war as opposed to the Pacific, this can be ascribed to conduct on the battlefield and conduct towards POWs through out the conflict. Where the majority of the Wermacht conducted themselves by “civilized” rules of warfare and tended to treat allied POWs fairly well. The Japanese were following in their own standards of warfare and their own dehumanization propaganda which built the Japanese up as a superior race over inferiors and regarded captured and defeated enemies as honor-less dogs and treated these unfortunate captives accordingly.

The Japanese conduct of war was much more brutal over all during the war both against US forces and during the invasion of China earlier in the conflict. As an example of some of their methods, Japanese troops were taught to cry out “Corpsman! Corpsman!” in English if they were wounded and left on the battlefield and to kill the responding US medic with a grenade or other weapon upon his arrival. This and other tactics lead to an entrenching of the dehumanization propaganda spread by the United States that the enemy was “uncivilized” and “barbaric”.

Anti Jew WW2 Propaganda

To the politician dehumanization can be used for civil tasks as well. Back in the old American South, African Americans were reduced to the level of livestock or furniture, dehumanization working culturally to make the South’s “peculiar institution” acceptable and normal to the local populace, and the wider population of the United States at large before the country started dividing over the issue. Even after the American Civil War it took numerous decades to reverse the generations of dehumanization that resulted in massive prejudice against African Americans in the US. Similarly dehumanization was a powerful tool in Adolf Hitler’s Germany with massive amounts of propaganda aimed against the Jews was well as other so-called undesirables such as homosexuals, gypsies and the mentally infirm. This was mixed in with a strong nationalist message and many people willingly went along with what Hitler was selling especially in the financially and spiritually broken Germany after the First World War.

Modern dehumanization doesn’t exist on the same scale that it did in previous wars. Even as recently as the Vietnam war, the US propaganda machine has for all intents and purposes been shut down and replaced with twenty four hour news services such as CNN. Concepts such as “tolerance” and “political correctness” have all but ended outright dehumanization in the propaganda sense of our enemies. It does still exist but it is in a more direct format, broadcasts depicting beheadings and other brutal acts by the Insurgencies in Iraq and Afghanistan have taken the place of the “Slap a Jap” posters of yesteryear and the culture of both nations is under constant scathing fire for things such as women’s rights, and other forms of religious and social oppression. This has much the same effect as depicting them as beneath the wise, far more progressive Americans but it does it in a manner that is more acceptable and palatable to the times.

Inside the Armed Forces things have also changed to be more reflective of the times, instead of showing propaganda films and cartoons that dehumanize the foe to make the GI, Marine or Sailor more likely to engage the enemy in a lethal manner, the service branches give cultural sensitivity briefings and offer computer based classes and study units based on the nations and regions that units are deploying to and encourage or order service members to learn from them. All official dehumanization of a specific foe is completely forbidden, and the distribution of material in that vein could easily result in a court martial or other serious form of punishment.

Standard anti-german propaganda, note the over exaggerated features and characteristics

The dehumanization has instead gone underground to the smoke pits and after hours chats in the barracks, especially amongst the enlisted troops. Slang terms such as “hadji” and “raghead” are in common use for troops of all races and racial slurs and jokes against the enemy are extremely common. Mixed with stories of combat and the enemy’s behavior during it, and reports of the latest murder of civilians by suicide bombing, or the torture and beheading of a fellow serviceman is more then enough to keep the process of dehumanization alive and well, if underground.

To really investigate the modern scope of what I’ll refer to as propaganda or social dehumanization without leaning on my own experiences in the military I conducted a series of interviews with fellow servicemen of all ranks and grades, some with combat experience others without and got a “snap shot” of the general condition of dehumanization in today’s armed forces.* All of the responding individuals reported dehumanization of enemy forces as common place, but none of it official in any format. The one officer interviewed pointed out that referring to the enemy forces as “Taliban”, “insurgents”, “targets”, “hadji” and so forth are actually also a method of dehumanization by separating the enemy from terms like “people” or “person”. (6)

The majority of dehumanization took the form of jokes and banter as previously stated mostly focusing on real world aspects of native behavior that is found distasteful to western sensibilities and morality such as what one respondent called “the dreaded left hand of hadji” a reference to the native version of toilet paper. Similarly incidents such as snipers on a night post catching a native performing an act of beastiality with a donkey has been blown up, exaggerated and turned in to legend that it’s common practice, whether it’s true or not doesn’t matter at this point. These people are animals and barbarians just look at these things they do!(6)

Enemy combat tactics were also derided in disgusted tones by all respondents, even those who had not seen combat. All of them saying they had absolutely no respect for the enemy in the slightest because of their cowardly hit and run tactics, their treatment of prisoners and their willingness to hide behind women and children to avoid return fire from allied forces. The officer responding in particular with his higher grasp of the tactical picture pointed out that the only advantages enemy forces in his AO had were their ability to hide amongst the civilian population and the political hamstringing allied forces faced from back home.(6)

This same officer however volunteered more information on the subject of respect and an honorable opponent saying “Just because a force is enemy is no reason for me to lose respect for them. For example, the Waffen SS fought for the worst regime ever, in my opinion. Still, they fought with honor and earned respect, for the most part. At least on the Western Front against the US/UK/Canada.” This sentiment was much the same across the numerous interviews I conducted. The social dehumanization of the Germans by the Allies was brutal and comprehensive, but after the fact the German’s battlefield conduct, treatment of POWs and so forth was such that the allied troops respected their German counterparts perhaps derailing the dehumanization process. The Germans were given this reputation for brutality but instead proved to be honorable combatants leading to the thought process, “if they act like that they really can’t be that bad”.

This dehumanization process continued in later wars, such as during the Vietnam war, with both the Viet Cong and the NVA being targeted. Both groups were perceived as cowards, hit and run fighters more akin to murderers then proper soldiers. Both groups engaged in the mutilation and torture of allied forces, and hide amongst civilian populations. All of these groups “lived down” to their dehumanization propaganda reputations and cementing the view point that they were “less then human”.

So far in this discussion of the process and function of dehumanization we haven’t really touched on the focus of what dehumanization is aimed at, allowing a functioning normal human being to kill easily and with minimal moral difficulty. Killing other humans is not something that comes naturally to people. Even for men and women raised around firearms who have been hunting for years the skill to successfully kill someone is there but the heart and intent are for the most part not.

Consider the average person who can take a human life in modern American society, there are people who have dehumanized through conditioning to be able to kill such as a gang member who grew up in that environment and lifestyle where killing was normalized and even encouraged. A soldier or a police officer who has been conditioned to be able to shoot and kill also falls in this category albeit through a very different process. Removing that type of individual we have crimes of rage and passion, these are very dissimilar from the soldier’s task or the conditioned criminal, with a crime of passion it’s all on chemicals, many people don’t actually go forth with the thought of killing someone according to the interviews after the fact.

There is only one category of person who has the ability to kill others of their species with out concern, we call these people sociopaths. They have a variety of critical mental illnesses that result in them dehumanizing everything and everyone, there is no emotion to the act of killing, no more then a normal human being does washing their hands. Thankfully these individuals are few and far between and this level of dehumanization is the last thing one would want in a soldier. That’s the point where soldiers lose their sense of who the enemy is and civilians go from people to be defended to just more targets.

The warrior and the conditioned criminal for the most part must do their killing in cold blood, going forth with the intent to kill. Situations can arise to change that, the wounding of a close friend or comrade for example but for the most part the soldier must go about his business as a competent professional in the arts of warfare, this detached coolness is literally the difference between life and death in many cases. Which returns us to that same dehumanization of the enemy, the soldier cannot be worried about if the man shooting at him has a wife or child, he is merely the enemy and must be eliminated so the soldier may be himself preserved and the mission accomplished.

WW1 I believe but still applicable

Even in an environment with high dehumanization of the enemy like in WW2 that doesn’t mean the soldiers in question are conditioned to killing the enemy. After World War 2 Brigadier General S.L.A Marshall discovered that in the European theater of operations that individual riflemen only took shots against exposed enemy soldiers 15-20% of the time. (7) Firing rates increased when ordered to by a superior or when firing from a crew served/key weapons system like a machine gun or flamethrower but for the individual combatant they appeared to be unable or willing to kill. This research was correlated by numerous other studies of foreign armed forces and by FBI studies of firing rates amongst Law Enforcement Officers. (7)

The US military and indeed armed forces world wide responded by introducing conditioning techniques to their marksmanship programs. This condition exists to this day, when Marines learn rifle marksmanship the basic target at the 200 yard line for the known distance course of fire is a standard bulls eye, but all the other targets are human silhouettes, as are all the targets provided during combat marksmanship training, where coaches also provided pinpoint instruction on these same human silhouettes on where to aim for chest, head and “mobility” (the hips and pelvis) shots. LtCol Grossman in his article “On Killing II” that the Army system where silhouette reactive targets are used, that is targets that fall down when you hit them are actually a perfect model of what is called “operant” psychological conditioning. (7)

This new method of conditioning lead to increased firing rates in Korea and even higher in Vietnam, Other countries such as England has similar results in their own conflicts. (12) Considering the methods for conditioning are still being used by the US armed forces today to condition and prepare troops for combat, I’d say the effectiveness of the methodology and the psychology behind it can’t be questioned as far as an increase of combat efficiency is concerned.

The psychology of dehumanization is therefore a dual edged sword, conditioning dehumanization or the process of conditioning a human being by training, to kill is necessary to allow soldiers to perform their duties properly in the field, thus increasing their own survival rates as well as the success rate of their missions. That same conditioning opens up the door to dehumanization of ALL human beings. Similarly with the earlier style of propaganda/social dehumanization which has now moved in to the barracks and work spaces of the military, while it can provide amusement and make it easier on the mind of a soldier to do battle with a particular enemy when it’s an enemy the soldier cannot respect at the very least as a fellow soldier it opens up the door to truly seeing the enemy as subhuman animals which could potentially lead to human rights abuses such as the Abu Ghraib scandal.

The challenge presented by the problem of dehumanization in the armed forces is a daunting task for any one to consider and as a veteran it’s my personal opinion that it’s not going away any time soon, instead of trying to “cure” dehumanization. But as Col Grossman says in one of his papers “…conditioning which overrides such a powerful, innate resistance (not taking human life) has enormous potential for psychological backlash.” (7) It’s strongly possible that the conditioning that has been running full steam from Vietnam on is one of the roots of the massive increase in PTSD cases among combat veterans since the 1970s. Which leaves us a bit of a catch 22, the conditioned dehumanization is vital to ensure the success and survival of the soldier but it is also contributing to psychological damage further down the road.

Dehumanization in both the social form and the conditioned form are fundamental parts of current military culture and military training. We need to more directly asses and study the effects of these processes to ensure the mental health and well being of members of the armed services which will allow them to accomplish their missions over seas and and abroad more effectively.

*To preserve the anonymity of the interviewees, several of whom remain on active duty, mixed with the sensitive nature of this subject, all names are being kept confidential. All references to specific locations have been scrubbed for operational security purposes. The author of this blog will not divulge personal information, reveal sources or release any of the original transcripts of aforementioned interviews in an unscrubbed format. Any release of any format of these interviews will be extremely limited in nature and at the author’s sole discretion.


1. Spencer, Dustie. “Dehumanization and Demonization of the Enemy.” dustiespencer. Dec2007. Web. 30 Jul 2011. < and-demonization-of-the-enemy>.

2. Tigerhawk, . “On dehumanizing the enemy in war and the nature of victory.” Tigerhawk. Blogspot, 16JUL2007. Web. 30 Jul 2011. <;.

3. Maiese, Michelle. “Dehumanization.” Beyond Intractability. Beyond Intractability , Jul 2003. Web. 28 Jul 2011. <;.

4. Beevor, Anthony. The Fall of Berlin, p. 199

5. “WW2 Dehumanizing the Enemy (Clip).” Web. 28 Jul 2011. <;.

6. Names Redacted, . Personal Interviews by <Redacted>. 28/29 JUL 2011. Private Collection. 28 Jul 2011.

7. Grossman, David. “On Killing II: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill.” David Grossman, n.d. Web. 28 Jul 2011. <>

The following poem is included purely to please the author’s own aesthetic sense and should not be considered a formal part of the paper. It was written by the author during the research process of this paper.


He was a German soldier

a boy of 18 years

drafted in the name of Deutchland

to stave off growing fears

He fought with courage and honor

now they spit and call him swine

what justice is this really?

the young soldat wants to know

He was fighting for his country

not some master race

that’s when they throw the pictures

in to his horrified face

bodies burnt and blackened

men who look like death but alive

pain and suffering

that none should have to survive

So now the German soldat

honor shattered and alone

realizes he will never go home

cast out and forsaken

This German soldat’s cry

I fought with honor

for my people

not to murder make

the devastation in his eyes

lends a man’s soul to shake

fighting for your country

does not evil make

So remember the German soldat

not with hate or loathing or fear

they were not the monsters

who fed on the murdered’s tears

Instead give them the dignity

the respect and honor due

a fellow warrior and opponent

who fought and battled true

Well it looks like it’s happening ladies and germs the United States government has all bur officially told the members of the United States Armed Forces to bite it for the next little bit of time. Men and women literally in the line of fire. Not paying them and yet expecting them to come to work. Now I’m not going to discuss a the politics of the shutdown but I can certainly condemn them for failing to push through a set up to ensure the Armed Forces will continue to be payed. That is a failure of the civilian government to take care of our all volunteer force of troops. Now we’ve gotten shut down before, but not with 100,000+ troops deployed in to combat zones. This type of critical failure could endanger troops in the fight as well as families on the home front.

Some one online joked that veterans and troops should protest in some format. It reminded me of another protest by veterans during the great depression. After the 1st World War a bill was passed in congress to pay all members of the American Expeditionary Force a bonus to be payed in 1945. This bill was passed in 1924.This was all fine and dandy right up until the depression hit in 1929. A lot of veterans were out of work in a hurry. In 1932, Walter W. Waters and other out of work veterans assembled the Bonus Expeditionary Force or “Bonus March” as it was termed by the papers assembled in Washington and marched on the capital, when congress resisted the Veterans and their families began camping out on the Anacostia flats. They soon numbered over 43,000 people, 17,000 veterans their dependants and associated groups. On July 28th the US Attorney General ordered the veterans removed from all federal property, the washington police met with resistance  and two veterans were killed.

President Herbert Hoover then ordered the United States Army to clear the shanty town on the Anacostia flats out. General Douglas MacArthur personally commanded a force of infantry and horse cavalry with armored support in the form of six tanks commanded by then Major George S. Patton. A young Major Dwight D. Eisenhower was currently serving as General MacArthur’s aide and was present during the operation.

The 12th infantry regiment moved in bayonets fixed following a cavalry charge and a gas attack, after the veterans fled back to their main camp across the Anacostia river, President Hoover ordered the attack halted, but General MacArthur renewed the assault moving in with armor and troops burning the veterans out of their camp at Anacostia. 55 veterans were injured and 135 others were arrested. MacArthur described the men he was attacking as a communist threat to the United States.

I don’t really have a moral to this story, it’s something you can draw and judge for yourself out there. Me personally it reminds me of one thing, the government will not take care of you, nor is it there to keep your best interests in mind. Expecting other wise is a fool’s errand.

How does this relate to our current situation? Well while guys deployed in combat might have their houses foreclosed on, or not be able to buy medicine and food for their families. Meanwhile… I guarantee you that congress isn’t missing any of their paychecks, or taking any pay cuts to help this financial crisis our country happens to be in.

Definition: (Borrowed from

The Three Percent concept and idea was created by Mike Vanderboegh.

Roughly three percent of the population fought for liberty at any given time during the American war for Independence. With a colonial population of 2,500,000 to 3,000,000 only about 250,000 men served during the war with never more than 90,000 men serving at any given time.

Historians have estimated that approximately 40-45% of the colonists supported the rebellion while 15-20% of the population of the thirteen colonies remained loyal to the British Crown. The remaining 35-45% attempted to remain neutral.

So what does that mean in modern terms? When someone identifies themselves as a “3%er” what does that mean? 3%ers are American Citizens and Patriots dedicated to a limited government bound by the rule of law. Many are libertarians but not necessarily so. All believe very firmly in the Constitution of the United States, many are angered by increasing Government failure to secure our borders and listen to the will of the citizens of the United States of America.

These 3%ers are not revolutionaries, nor are they dangerous fanatics, domestic terrorists, militia men, mountain men, rednecks, right wing extremists or any other name thrown around freely by the liberal media. These men and women are patriots willing to fight and die for their country, to uphold the constitution of the United States at any cost and preserve our nation in times of peril. Many are gun owners and would willingly use them to defend their homes, their families, their state and their country but is this not exactly what the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution of the United States is for?

“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

-2nd Amendment to the Constitution

Alright then it sounds pretty self explanatory, but what exactly is a militia? Most of you are incorrectly informed. The National Guard is not a Militia, nor is the Reserves of any of the armed forces. To go with the Merriam-Webster definition:


Pronunciation: \mə-ˈli-shə\

Function: noun

1: a body of citizens organized for military service
2: the whole body of able-bodied male citizens declared by law as being subject to call to military service

The highlights are obviously my own. Now I like to think that we’ve evolved as a society past it just been able bodied men as “a body of citizens”. But what is the intent behind this law? The intent is so every man; woman and child could defend themselves, their homes and their country. It is documented fact that you can measure a nation’s freedom by their ability to posses’ arms. Nazi Germany, Communist Russia and China the list only goes on for oppressive nations that completely restrict their citizens (serfs more like) ability to keep and bear arms. Some of the more restrictive US Firearms legislation in fact mirrors those old laws first enacted by Adolf Hitler and his cronies.

Beyond the similarity of their being dictatorships those nations have combined killed over 150 million of their own people. This hasn’t happened in the United States, and with all the hope in my heart it never will but if it does, we have the will and means to fight back, to defend ourselves and others, to retake our sundered freedom and restore the great experiment that was started so many years ago. That’s what the 3% is, that’s what we are, 3% of the American people who stand strong and defiant crying out “We will not go quietly into the night!” We will not vanish without a fight!”* That’s what 3%er is, so the question my friend is not why are these people this way? Why do they think like this? The question is why don’t you

Quote of the Day:

Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. “Mankind.” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps its fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution… but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist and should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: “We will not go quietly into the night!” We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!

-President Thomas Whitmore, Independence Day

I’ve never really understood the fear of being alone, or the pain of isolation. I’ve always naturally been a loner to some extent, A little more reserved and withdrawn it’s just how I am. I’ve always kept my friends close and limited, there are maybe one or two people I can tell everything to and completely be myself.

In the depths of my depression, the walls went up, and even in a room full of people I knew what it meant to be alone, to be completely isolated. Alone and screaming in a prison inside your own head. A cell of your own design and creation, struggling to escape but being pulled ever deeper in to the black inky darkness held by down as you fight and struggle and suffocate. That’s a general description of how depression feels, being dragged down in to a cold, suffocating darkness, drowning and not even being sure if you want to take another breath.

That’s where I was, it was not a fun place as you may be able to tell. I’ve made a lot of progress in the last couple of months but I still have a long way to go in my battle to recover. I’m also starting to come to grips with a diagnosis of Aspberger’s Syndrome which certainly explains a lot of the struggles I’ve dealt with through out my life. However facing the reality behind the cause of those struggles and making terms with them can be a whole different matter all together.

Aiding me in this struggle in the best friend I’ve ever had, who has also consented to date me for reasons known only to her. With out Darcy’s helping hand I’d probably be in a lot darker of a place then I was before I started getting better.

I’m currently enlisted in the United States Marines and this is as place where mental issues are frequently misunderstood or pushed aside. Depression is something you need to toughen up for. Something more serious like Aspberger’s Syndrome which comes with a bunch of issues socializing or speaking is seen as a failure to adapt to the Corps rather then a disease or a mental disorder respectively. This is par for the course for a military that has only just recently started to even notice PTSD a crippling mental disorder that’s been affecting soldiers as far back as there’s been warfare. I’m not saying the Corps isn’t handling my healthcare properly but I am saying they don’t do a very good job of even trying to understand what my issue is and why I have it.